When You Don’t Die Fast Enough
The Death Doula Diaries Part Two: Untying Family Ties
My brother Chad and his family haven’t seen Mom in years, and for a long time I hated them for it.
I felt like they should have been more present. They felt like they had a right to remember her the way she was.
I felt like not visiting her was a sign of weakness. They felt like not visiting allowed them to move on.
I felt like I was alone. They felt like I wanted to be alone.
So when I called Chad to tell him Mom was live discharged from hospice for outliving the standard three-month deadline placed on the terminally ill, I wasn’t totally surprised when he didn’t seem to care much.
“Bummer,” he said.
“Yeah,” I responded.
There was a bit of an awkward silence before we riffed on a few inside jokes we’ve shared over the years to break the tension.
Then I told him I hired an end-of-life doula.
“That’s the dumbest idea ever,” Chad said. “Why would you do that?”
I quickly put up my defenses. “Because Mom deserves it,” I said, clenching my jaw, holding back what I really wanted to say, which was, “How dare you even ask that when you haven’t been there this…
